Why We Call It Fantasy Football

• Author: Guinness618
• Filed under: Fantasy Football
• Date: Sep 4,2008

I was very excited to name my team, and now that the draft is complete,  a name is in order.   HELLO MUMMY! I know why it is called Fantasy Football!  Have you seen some of these guys?  HOTTIE McHOTTERSONS that will be fueling some of my fantasies for the next few months.

David Garrard…just plain sexy.  His eyes are just smoldering.  Roy Williams too. Greg Olsen…looks like a surfer boy. I’d be interested in sharing his board.
Phil Dawson…I could just nibble on that chin!

I saw Clinton Portis last week in the Pre-Season game against the Jags and he was just so well-spoken that I am glad I have him on my team.  He’ll represent us well.

Now there are downsides, at least one so far:
Anthony Fasano looks like one of Tony Soprano’s henchman, and while that could be sexy, it’s just not.  I haven’t seen him in the little pants yet, and I do have a penchant for big men, so the jury is still out.

I still have no idea how this whole thing works.  I do know that I really enjoyed the high fives and back slaps this morning when everyone got into work and looked at the draft picks.  I am going to research all of my players (ok, probably just the cute ones) so that I can speak intelligently or least give the impression that I know what I am doing.

I did choose a name for my team.  If you think I am going to share it with the whole entire world, forget it.

I just hope I don’t yell the wrong name at an awkward time… 

And So It Starts…

• Author: Guinness618
• Filed under: Fantasy Football
• Date: Aug 26,2008

I had heard the rumors around the office and each morning I opened my mailbox, waiting for the email I knew was inevitable.  My stomach was in knots, my palms sweating, my bowels shaken.  There was no getting out of it…

Fantasy Football was starting. 

I was hired last October and so missed being able to play (darn!).  This year, however, I got the invitation.  THE INVITATION.

Problem is, I don’t know anything about football, let alone the fantasy part.  No, that’s not true.  I know that Brett Favre still looked hot, even wearing the God-awful braces on his teeth.  I know that the New England Patriots quarterback, whats-his-face Tom somebody, had a baby with Bridget Moynahan (love her) but broke up with her mid-pregancy and started dating Giselle Bundchen  who was with Leonardo DiCaprio for such a long time!  They were a cute couple, but I think he’s taking the whole Howard Hughes thing a little seriously.  And did you see him new girlfriend.  OMG!  What kind of name is Bar?

OH!  Sorry, I have digressed.

On the rare occasion I do watch with my husband, I pick my favored team by the colors on their uniform or who’s got the nicest butts (overall).  Big surprise, I don’t win a lot of times.

To be quite honest, I really don’t care about fantasy football.  But that fantasy pigskin that could help my career.  I am hoping that if I make a good enough showing, actually look like I know what I am doing, my boss just might start calling me the correct name.  He won the league thingy last year which asks the question:  Do you through a game to let your boss win?  Are their etiquette rules to this whole thing? 

Yesterday, I enlisted the help of a new friend to be my ghost coach.  From what I have read, he’s really into this whole thing, and I am not above slipping him some cash or freshly baked brownies to help me pull this thing off.

Next post:  Naming my team

Preseason Football: Up Close and Personal

• Author: BallGirl
• Filed under: NFL
• Date: Aug 25,2008

Last night I attended my first preseason game. Preseason generally doesn’t do much for me. If regular NFL games lead to scorgasms, preseason games are the equivalent of foreplay. Basically a chance to warm up and for people who don’t know what they are doing to get some experience.

But given that it was going to be the first NFL game in the new Lucas Oil Stadium, I decided that it was worth going. Watching the 285-pound Jared Lorenzen was incredibly dull. (albeit sometimes humorous). I’m sure that Tony Dungy got a lot out of watching particular plays and players, but I didn’t. In fact, it hasn’t even been 24 hours and I don’t remember the final score. The Colts lost to Buffalo . And the Colts defense looked a little flaky. That is about as much of the game as I care to recall.

The stadium did make the trip worth taking. Watching the roof open up without even making a sound was amazing. And there is a pretty stocked bar outside of section 444. The food was just kind of okay…I’ll take my gameday buffet at home over what they had to offer any Sunday. 

Bring on the real games. The ones that count toward the playoffs and the record books. Those are what give me MY scorgasms.

Fantasy Football The Season Has Started

• Author: BallGirl
• Filed under: Fantasy Football
• Date: Aug 24,2008

Fantasy Football season has started! After weeks (okay, hours) of prepping for my draft, I am fairly happy with my team. The best part about a fantasy football draft is that although you know going into it that it is pretty much a crap shoot, you still feel compelled to come up with a “strategy.”

My strategy used to involve never picking players that I didn’t like personally or players that played for teams that I didn’t like. For the first time ever, I strayed from my usual. I actually drafted the Cryboy defense, a Raisins tight end, and the NE Cheaters’ running back. For the first time ever I also did not draft my favorite all-time player, Hines Ward. I decided that I need to start separating my personal feelings from my feelings of needing to dominate my FF league.

We’ll see how it works out. In a league off almost all men, they will be surprised if I come out with a winning record lest a playoff spot. If I don’t dazzle them with my play, I’ll distract them with dirty talk. Either way, they’ll invite me back next year.

How many Scorgasms Can You Have At A Time?

• Author: Cutiekins
• Filed under: Fantasy Football
• Date: Aug 22,2008

“Yawwwwn…” I said, as I got up and stretched this morning.  What a ho-hum hump day sorta day. Nothing exciting to look forward to, nothing at all… OH WAIT.  It’s draft day!  And with that, I dive into my lucky tshirt, slip my feet into my lucky flip flops, and make a mad dash to my computer.  Oh wait… forgot my lucky panties.  Damn.  Flip it and reverse it, there we go.  All set.

A bit of history. Last year, a bunch of my buddies were one short for their league.  I suppose they dug around a bit before they invited me, a *gasp* chick, to join.  Needless to say, I was thrilled.  I love
football season, and a fantasy team sounded like a fun way to justify all those hours spent in a bar on a Sunday.  But I needed a strategy.  I used to be a huge fan of Tiki Barber.  Something about that smooth bald head, awesome smile, spectacular physique…and he was a damn good running back too.  One of the best.  So in honor of Tiki, I decided the best possible strategy would be to pick players that had a hard “E” in their name.  You know…Tom Bradeeeeee, Randeeeee Moss, Peeeeeeeanut. This strategy would also allow me to grab Robbieeeee Gould, the Bears kicker, whom I thought would get a ton of points because, well, because the Bears offense sucks donkey balls.  I figured a lot of our points were gonna come from field goals.  Did pretty good on the picks, and since Tommy and Randy had such an awe-inspiring, back-thumping, ass-slapping season, I did pretty well and took third.  Score one for the Hard E’s.

So what to do this year.  Every girl needs a theme.  Last year was grammatical.  This year is mathematical.  I’m going with all odd numbers this year.  Why?  Because odd men turn me on.  And the name of my team?I figured I need all the sparkles and glitter to piss off the boys, so this year’s team name is…. (drumroll please) …the Cutiekins.